Catalyst
by TardisBird
Summary: People always think it takes a big life changing even for someone to break. Sometimes people break for no reason at all. sometimes its an accumulation of things. but sometimes people, like the universe break, not with a bang, but with a whimper.


There was no catalyst. No big dramatic moment that made you lose control and be here, laying the way you are right now. It's surprising actually. The way your life has been going and they way you've been handling it you'd think something big would have to happen to make you snap. You're not sure how long you've been laying here, or how much longer you lay there, motionless save the rise and fall of your chest, until there is a knock on your door. Confused you sit up and blink slowly. You can't think of who that could be. Your parents are out and you're home alone, and its not like a murderer or thief would knock. "hello?" you call out confused.

"Emily? Are you okay?" You recognize the voice but you don't recognize the concern or slightly panicked edge to it.

"Spencer?" You barely recognize your own voice. Small and childlike, vulnerable.

"It's me. Can i come in?" you frown just starting to realize she's in your house and you have no idea why she's here or how she got in or why she sounds so worried.

"Yeah." You answer and sit up a bit better. The door opens and Spencer steps into your room and softly closes the door behind herself. She's making that face she makes when she's worried but trying not to show it.

"Are you okay?" She asks, crossing the room and sitting on the edge of your bed.

"Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?" you raise one eyebrow trying to figure out why Spencer is so worked up and why she came all the way to your house when she could have called.

"You weren't answering your phone. And with A and everything else that's been going on..." she trails off and you frown. You search you covers for your phone and once you find it you see 7 messages and three missed calls, all from Spencer. You never even felt the vibrations or heard the text tone.

"I'm sorry." you apologize automatically. "I guess i was just so out of it i never even knew my phone was going off at all. I didn't mean to freak you out." You force a weak smile onto your lips and place your phone on the night table next to your bed. Spencer lets out a low sigh and you can see her visibly relax. You Can't help but wonder if there's another reason she's here. "Are you okay?" The question falls from your lips before you can think to stop yourself.

Spencer looks startled by your question but regains her composure quickly. "Yeah, im fine." you can tell by then tension in her knuckles as she subconsciously makes a fist and the slight downward tilt of her eyebrows that she's lying. You want to ask her why she's lying to you. You want to know if she's hurting, why would she lie to you? You lie back on you bed, various questions about Spencers well-being swirling through your head. You're not sure how much longer you lay there, lost in your own thoughts and Spencer in hers.

You're jolted back to reality when you feel her cool hands cupping your cheeks and her thumbs swiping across your cheeks, as if to wipe away tears. Then you realize, you are crying. Once you realize you're crying everything hits you hard, right in the chest and you feel like you cant breath. Your breaths get shorter and shorter and you have to sit up. You claw at your chest in a blind panicked way, trying to get the weight off, to breath again.

Then Spencer is there pulling you into her. Her arms wind themselves around your middle and you instinctively press your face into her neck. Your arms go around her and grab fistfuls of her shirt in the process. A pained gasp and a whimper fall from your lips before you stop it and her arms tighten around you. You can feel her breath on your neck and vaguely you register that she is speaking to you, but the words are muddled and meaningless. This tears another vicious sob from you.

You're not sure how long you sit there in Spencer's arms. Held tightly, yet gently while you sob and whimper. Every time your chest stutters and threatens to give out her hands smooth themselves over your back and massage gently until you can breath again. When its over and you're left quivering and whimpering in her lap she pulls away just enough to wipe the tears from your cheeks. She offers a weak smile and you realize her hands are still on your cheeks and that they're shaking slightly.

"Better?" she says softly and you give a small nod. You meet her eyes, and even though they're the same beautiful brown there's something different in them. Then before you can stop yourself you're leaning forward and kissing her. Her lips are soft and warm against yours. And then you realize, she's not kissing you back. You're kissing Spencer Hastings and she'snot kissing you back. You jerk back so hard and fast you almost fall off your bed. Eyes widening in panic and a blush spreading involuntarily over your cheeks you duck your head and close your eyes. You can't bear to see the anger in her eyes.

"Emily." Her voice is surprisingly soft and for the first time since she entered your room, completely calm and steady. But still you refuse to look up, to open your eyes. "Emily." she repeats, this time you can feel the bed shift under her weight. "Emily." She sounds frustrated this time. Her hands are on your cheeks again and your eyes fly open at the simple contact. She ducks her head to meet your eyes and you see kindness and love and warmth in them.

"Spencer? Why aren't you..." You're cut off mid sentence by Spencer gently tipping your chin up and softly pressing her lips to yours. Your breath catches in your throat and it takes you almost a full minute to respond. When you kiss her back you can feel her lips as she smiles against yours and her hand slides down your neck and around back to the base where her fingers tangle gently in your hair. You bring your own hands up and pull her closer to you. You fall back on your bed, your lips breaking contact for the barest of moments before she settles her body between you legs and you're pressed flush against her. She parts your lips with her own and your chest thumps wildly. Her tongue slowly explores your mouth and you can't help but moan. She shivers almost violently against you and you tangle one hand in her hair while the other rests on the small of her back.

Eventually you have to break away for air and she rests her forehead against your shoulder and you can feel her hot breath brush against your neck making you shiver. " I love you."

The words are out before you can even think about them properly, yet you can't bring yourself to regret them. Spencer pushes herself up enough to meet your eyes, and instead of fear, anger or rejection, she smiles. She smiles and cups your right cheek and gives you a small yet sweet kiss.

"I know. Me too."

**~X~**

**A/N: **This is sorta a weird one. Im not sure where this was really meant to go but I really liked the idea of Emily just quietly breaking and not even realizing till it was happening. Im not sure how well it worked so let me know if you are so inclined! c:


End file.
